Masked

                                                                             Photo cred: Google

Warped.  Like sponge  absorbs water, the body absorbs it, pain. The best people have some sort of scars, they say. Should I carry them with pride, or carry them like they are heavy, the scars I mean, I ask myself.  What am I supposed to do? Does time really soothe and eventually heal it? What about the future triggers? This one could come back alive with full sparks as soon as one tiny word awakens the memory.

Grazed. Slightly, on the outside. Inside?  blood.  The inside is tortured. Bruised. Maybe scraped describes it better. This one here feels like a leader, it leads the tiniest of pains to the fore.They soldier behind it, and it grows in power. Defeat is the song. Tear wells run dry. Affected by drought they are. Emotion wells are damp. Pain drips. From the inside; the heart; the mind; the soul. From the outside, pains and fake happiness collide. Eccedentesiast. Smile drips of pain. Eyes glow of pain. Skin marred by pain. Frail body faking it. Fake it till you make it, they say, but what about future triggers. This one could blow this beautiful body into ugly debris.

Dismembered. To the bone. Body seems like one piece on the outside. Inside? A hall full of pieces. Pieces of me. Soaked in salty water. Scattered. Collapsed. The will to pick up fills the hall, but where does one begin?

Pain. For this long I've lived with it. For this long I've  carried it. I've listened to it. Felt it. Slept. Ate. Laughed and Travelled with it. Long distances and short distances. Naps and full night sleeps. For this long I've heard it through my ears, felt it my on my skin; tasted it on my tongue- I saw it with my eyes.Still body.Pounding heart.Lucid moments-well, at times.I have been masked enough.This cannot be me. I need me.

I don't know what to do with this pain anymore.

Somebody help me get out of here. 

Lessons from Rama-by-night

Hello hi. I am back. Yep after almost a year. Sjooo...alright,lets proceed.

I promised to discuss Rama-by-night and its awesomeness after I feel that I've had enough rest after the great weekend I had.Well..here!

For those who don't know, Rama-by-night is a name of a tarven, (yes, a tarven) in Senwamokgope township, a place located in the east of Sekgosese district just outside Modjadjiskloof in Limpopo. This is a place I call home (although we've relocated to another area).I call this place home because I am who I am because of the lessons I picked up on the streets of this township from 1990 to mid 2007.The community of this township made,inspired and taught me a lot.Okay, now- back to Rama-by-night.  The tavern is very small,just three rooms and a covered up veranda. The place can host up to as many people as it likes, because entrance in a township tavern is forever free. Forget your upper class clubs and pubs and whatever you call them- Rama-by-night is the real deal. 

It took me nine years, a seven hour trip to attend a funeral and a few conversations with the people I used to hang with to learn the lessons I've learnt this past weekend. These are lessons that can be learnt anywhere, by anyone- but to me it happened at a very random place.Who would have thought? Okay now listen. Here's the list:

1. Wine will leave you feeling  sheepish, but whiskey will pick you up.Lol.

Not that I didn't know this, but I can spend a very long time with just one glass of wine once in while in my own space- but when you're at a tavern you want to finish the 5 litre 4th Street box (Don't judge). Finishing that 5 litre would happen as a result of a process, a process that requires one to drink one glass after another continuously and shem...soon afterwards rena o tlo re makatsa. I heard some people cry after drinking a few glasses of whiskey- mara le ge go le so... I learnt a lesson and will always remember it when I have to buy booze. Whiskey anytime, please.

2.  Life is such an unpredictable thing.

With its ebb and flow, this life thing will humble you shem. When we are young we tend to think for today and today only, without even thinking about the future consequences of our choices. Some things work for the best as life's journey continues, and others just blow up in our face, leaving us hopeless and forcing us to resort to certain measures that we think are better suited for our situations, when actually they become factors that worsen the situation. Re tla reng mara? Ke vutomi. 

3. I have a big fan-and I didn't know it until I went to Rama.

So, this guy was gushing about how awesome I am. Me. Yes, awesome.  About my work (a few articles I wrote for Mega Artist Magazine...find them  www.megaartists.com and 1 for Vivmag.com) as well as the humour dripping off my facebook timeline. I knew people read my work, but I had never thought that I have this under ground biggest fan who even follows me on fb.(Please advice on how we know who is following us on fb). You guys, please tell us while we are still around gore re le shaya ding dong.. this life thing is unpredictable, and short. But then, I am happy, grateful and so humbled by this fellow, a few minutes of a tipsy conversation and bam!! I am educated. I can still hear his Castle Lite reeking  " awesome.....awesome......awesome" in between every other word he said. Shem, you should have seen the smile on my face. 90 degrees curve!!!

4. Honesty and appreciation can be located anywhere,even at taverns.

Most people probably associate township taverns with botsotsi and all..but shem...there's honesty as well. A dear guy, who once bullied me in standard 2 (grade 4 ya semanjemanje) kept on telling me to be careful as some of the people who were smiling with me were actually not genuine. He kept telling me gore I shouldnt leave my glass unattended, not because of drug spiking but poisoning. His exact words "O ska tshepa everyone in your circle, batho ke bo mabolaya ba sega". Lesson learnt! I appreciated his honesty, Lord knows why he kept telling me that. 

5. Local music ke mmapa!

By local music I'm not talking about bo AKAwinanga et al, I'm taking about King Monada and Janisto le genge ya Bolozwi ya go opela banna! Those guys know how to make music. I've listened to enough of King Monada's music this past weekend to last me a good three months, but I wouldn't mind continuing listening to him to last me three years. He's the big deal. Okare ke a mo dhwa akhere " Oska bhora moreki..o ska bhora moreki..go reka nna". Once his music starts playing, ke moka kosha ke lerole and we all remember to use our twerking tools ka mokhwa wa maleba. Lol.  

6. Rama by night hasn't lost its touch.Even after 9 years.

I don't know if this is a lesson, mara shem..modhefo wa Rama o khatša ka mafika.


7. Some of the things that happen in Rama stay in Rama.

Bare diila go apiwa, ga di ile go boniwa. Including the fact that a kid hit on me. By a kid I mean that- a kid. I'm still overwhelmed. But I wont go into it. So, yes I saw, but some of the things I will not go into.

Overall, it was a great weekend and experience- I am glad I finally had this Rama discussion. I might have something to write about again in another 9 years, well...after visiting Rama-by-night again. It was great! and refreshing.

Happy reading.

Okay. Thanks.Bye.

It's your life in those years that count.

Behold!!I am 27. Yes. The chilly, great 10th of June delivered the packaged 27th wrinkle. No major 'turn up' party took place .No dinner party. No birthday stokvel. Nothing. The day just didn't give birth to any sort of celebration. Bless facebook for reminding and propelling the majority of my known and unknown friends about the day. I received a little over 100 messages, and my heart echoes thank yous. A big shout out goes to those who effortlessly remembered that although the six to my twenty was changing to a seven, my bank account number remained the same. I promise the money was used wisely.

Praises be unto the most High God. The Man upstairs has been absolutely amazing. He always saved me from the unfortunate whips of this thing called life. Like when He gave me the courage to throw a brick right on the knee of the guy who bullied me in primary school( He still has the scar, and he never waited for me at the school gate on a Friday afternoon after the incident), when He planted the idea to stop smoking dagga back in high school before I got addicted (I was never caught or addicted but the memory of how my stomach would immediately demand to be filled with food is tagged to me), when He afforded me the ability not to slip into a blackout after a drinking spree in the clubs of Melville when I deputed as a first year university student ( My results came back with a READMISSION REFUSED stamp, and sent me packing and relocating to Limpopo), when He saved me from the wreath of the law that day in Kempton park when I  almost got arrested for public drinking ( Bless the brown envelope, it works wonders in such situations!!!), and when He repeatedly healed and nursed the wounds my heart has suffered time and again.

In simple terms, God saved me from me. So many times. Although I don't and choose not to remember some of the times He came to my rescue, I am grateful that I know His grace and mercy and love and protection have tirelessly joined forces to place my feet where they are. No doubt. King God is the man, believe me, and believe in Him. (Soundtrack: Andre Crouch's I don't know why Jesus loves me).

Over the years, I've realised that this tapestry that is life is made colourful by the swings and roundabouts experiences it presents to us. Sometimes it feels like it has quenched its thirst with holy water, and sometimes, devil juice. Insane and Sane at the same time. Smiles and frowns. Birth and death. It is just as wonderful as it can be dreadful. But still, I remain grateful for the gift of life and its experiences,   and below are some of the lessons I have learnt:

1. This life is a battle worth fighting for

Truth is, many a times we have been faced with difficult situations that seemed like they could swallow us alive and never let us proceed to where we want to be, and instead of letting that happen we fought back. The fears, the difficulty of getting something done, the thoughts of quitting, wounded egos and all, we managed to fight back because if we didn't, stagnance would rule and success be a rumour. Keep on fighting, it's worth it!!

2. Life is no safe bet

Never underestimate the power of taking risks. It will take you places. Kick the fear of uncertainty and just do it.   

                                                      

3. Prayer changes.

I might not pray as much as I should (or they say we should), but boy, I pray and He answers. A lot of changes in my life are as a result of prayer. Make it a habit, reader!!  

4. Books are the most amazing and patient teachers.

Reading can change your perspective on life. Totally. I am talking about all genres of books but Mills and Boon, no thank you. Make reading fashionable in your clique and thank me later                                                                                                 

  

5. Do something completely out of your comfort zone.You wont die.

Explore. Do something different.  I actually took a detour into the teaching profession with no qualification or prior experience, a bumpy ride it was at first, but hey I'm glad I did it. Of course it came with money and at a time when I wasn't sure what plan I had after completing my degree, but it was something I always told myself I'd never get into. Alas! two years later I hold the retired teacher  ( yes, RETIRED!lol) title with pride and a story to tell, and I've since taken a decision that I'll go back to teaching again for the fulfilment it comes with and school holiday perks, but not in the next 10 years.

6. Love like you've never been hurt before

Aha! This lesson. My heart has been through a serious workout regimen when it comes to matters pertaining to relationships, romantic and otherwise. But I remain hopeful. And wear my tragedies as armour, not shackles for I know if I don't take lessons from the heartbreaks, I'll find myself in the same situation again. I have no reason not to love, and plenty to. It's my birth right.

7. A positive attitude is everything.

The power of positive thinking is unsurpassed. Anticipate success and happiness. And spread it wherever you go. I know it is contagious.

There are so many other lessons, but these are my top 7.I've rebelled all I can when afforded the opportunity, learnt some lessons,  reshuffled my priorities and hell yeah, at just 27 I think I got this.

#Allowmetosharethiswithyou... they say growing old is experience wrapped in wrinkles, and its not the years in your life that count, but your life in those years. I totes agree. This maturity thing does resemble wine, it gets better with time.

Thanks for reading.

Shall we take a minute and judge for ourselves..?!

Today as I was walking to work I overheard two ladies who were walking infront of me arguing about one of the ladies they are both familiar with. " Wa itsi ngwanyana ole ga ke mo kwishishi. Wa ipona (I don't like that girl much. She regards herself highly) ", said the lady in a dreadlocks side bun. "Aowa mara aus Ruth, nna ga ke mmone ale snaaks, ke bona ana le botho. Afa o ile wa bua le yena le ge ele ga one? ( No Ruth, Ive never seen her rude to anyone,she appears friendly. Have you ever spoken to her even once?"), the lady in the stripped scarf responded to her friend. "Ga se ke bue le yena (Ive never spoken to her)", aus Ruth said. " Janong oreng o mo senya leina? Ntwe o e dirang ga e right. Le Masipa ga a dire jaalo, o emela bohlatse pele (Then why are you smearing her name with bad things? what you're doing is not right, even Masipa(judge) doesn't do that. She waits for evidence first"

And then it resurfaced from the back of my mind. The same sun that hardens the clay soil is the same sun that melts ice. The same wind that blows a girl's skirt up is the same wind that blows sand into the boy's eyes so that he wont be able to see what the skirt has to reveal. What I am saying is, the same person we judge based on what we heard about them from someone can actually surprise us, and give us a different experience. The lady in the stripped scarf chose not to let her friend's perception of the lady they are talking about dampen or dim her perception. And she did a stunner job by bringing in Judge Masipa as an example of people who don't just judge because they can, but because enough evidence has been brought forward to her. She chose to judge for herself, based on her own experiences,and did not condone the fact that her friend passed judgement without having given herself the opportunity to communicate with the lady first.

It is an everyday  occurrence that we get fed stories about people who we have never met-who we need to stay away from because they are abrasive, who we shouldn't give chances because they can turn into our chief nemesis, who we shouldn't even smile at because they are irascible. People make it their mandate to be the carriers and deliverers of words that vilifies others-in the name of they are protecting us. How shady is that? Mxm, so suspicious.

Our biggest mistake is that we-the people who are told these things- often allow people's judgements on others to influence ours, without taking time to analyse the real reasons behind the smear campaign. We tend to, most of the time- give these smear campaigns validation and momentum through entertaining them and acting on them. We really need to change. Wouldn't it be great if we tailed behind the campaigner after we have experienced the meanness of this our dear friend that is being demeaned through spreading of what bad things they are capable of? ( It is wrong as well, but hey, we are human).Would it be a bad thing if we ask the campaigner why they are busy chanting the "she's a mean person" slogans? Did you know that sometimes the campaign may be executed in an effort to purposely put one down, just so that the campaigner can feel like they're up there? And sometimes, they are inspired by past grudges, which have been festering from many moons ago when they had an encounter with this our demeaned brother or sister, and they couldn't address it then. Sounds childish neh? I know! And now you know. So, we know.

The smear campaigns we give so much effort and time we are supposed to dedicate to other things will never boost our confidence, or erase the grudge. It will only give you a false sense of security-for a short period of time even. Judging people based on what other people say about them could mean depriving ourselves of possible positive relations with others, and  their experiences with others don't necessary apply to us. No person (and I mean everyone of us) can never avoid judgement, we are all prone to it- but let your judgement be influenced by your own experiences -not the grapevine.

We should know that most (yes, not everyone-most) of us actually receive mean responses because of our attitude towards other people. When we approach people in an attitude influenced by what we have heard from whoever, chances are very high that we will get the same response we expected. But when we allow ourselves to approach them with an attitude not influenced by others in any way, the response is likely to be positive.

#Allowmetosharethiswithyou...Not everything we hear about people is ALWAYS true. Choose to wear the black law gown like Masipa and be the judge based on evidence. The choice remains solely with you.

Thanks for reading.

Possess me not...

“There are two ways to be fooled. One is to believe what isn't true; the other is to refuse to believe what is true.” This is a quote by Soren Kierkegaard I stumbled upon some time ago while going through one of the books in our library.

From a distance, with bright coloured paint and beautiful doors one would believe that a house is as good looking inside as it is outside. One would also believe that a book is exciting by looking at the illustrations on the cover. And from the public display of affection from most seemingly in love couples, one would believe that their relationship behind closed doors is as good as it suggests in public. But the truth is, that is not always the case. We get fooled by what our naked eye allows us to see physically. And often when we find out the truth, we are reluctant and even in denial about it before we can actually take action.

A while ago I was in a relationship with the most wonderful guy. He made me laugh, he gave me attention, he called, texted and inboxed me on a daily basis. But that was just a front to try and conceal the fact that he was one possessive and controlling creature. Most people envied me, because to them I was the luckiest girl to be dating him, little did they know that I was dealing with something freaking controlling the minute we disappeared from the public’s eye. There were certain people I wasn’t allowed to chat with on my phone (especially guy friends)and a few of my female friends. At some point I was forced to delete their numbers because if I kept them I was going to be able to call them in his absence. There were certain items of clothing that were too sexy for the public, to see me in and others that were absolutely okay to wear. Curfews about when I should be at home and in bed were also held down. I was expected to obey because according to him, "a woman should obey her man". There were moments of fear when he often said “You are the woman I gave my heart to, you should obey when I say something. I could have given my heart to someone else, but I chose you.”  The truth is, as much as the words were delivered in this way, the real truth behind them screamed, “I love you. You belong to me. Whatever I say goes. You are my possession”.

As much as I felt my boyfriend was somehow dangerous to my wellbeing because sometimes there were moments of fear when we were alone together, I chose to overlook the fact that he controls me, and sang the “ it’s because he genuinely loves me” song. That’s how I fooled myself. I was always hoping my guy friends won’t call when I was with him because he would always fume and throw tantrums, and as such I would end up embarking on a guilt road trip. Love never blossoms where terms and conditions apply. It may try, but it will always fail. A person doesn’t love you and command you behave in a way that only makes him happy. That is controlling, and means he sees you as a possession to him.

The sad thing about being in a possessive relationship is that the controller plays his cards right first by painting themselves to you as caring and loving people. Thou shall be showered with gifts and lunches and empty promises, and most of us (ladies) enjoy being spoilt so much that we ignore the effects of the emotional abuse for a long time until the damage has started bearing the adventitious root system. When they are 'perfect', these control freaks are just too perfect. And when they become monsters, they excel as much as they do in their perfection levels. Pointing a blame finger and sending their victims on a guilt road trip comes as a perfected skill in addition to their ability to look harmless and decent when in public. They never admit that they are wrong. Sometimes it leads to physical abuse (pack your bags already lady!!!! ), and other times it leaves  one brutally wounded and scarred emotionally- the  deepest and most dangerous harm to a human being.

Although at first I believed he did all he did out of his genuine love for me, a certain magazine (All hail print media-and its readers)  came to my rescue when I read an article about the danger of being in a possessive relationship. That was when I realised the truth had been firmly rooted in front of me but I chose not to believe it. I had believed what isn't true (that he loved me) and refused to believe what is true ( that he possessed and controlled me), I had really succeeded in fooling myself in the name of "he loves me" . I took a decision to end the relationship right away and believe me, the break up was drama filled, with him telling me that I was just wasting my time because he wasn’t allowing it. He kept on contacting me and coming to my place for months after I told him I wasn't letting him control me any longer and I stood my ground, he persisted and I ended up promising him I would get the police on board. That shook him a little. His last words were, “You shall hear from me, no one throws my love back at my face”. It’s been over two years, and the other day I received a text from him with the words “…just unblock me. I have changed…I just wanna be friends…”. He clearly still possesses my image in his head, and that's  the only last thing (of and about me) he'll ever be able to control.

AllowMeToShareThisWithYou… You are no one’s possession. You belong to yourself. Even if he promises you the one thing your heart desires the most, never allow a man to exercise control over you (Occasionally in the bedroom maybe, but not in your life). He is the one with a problem, not you. The fact that he wants to control you shows how weak he is, how insecure he is in his ability to secure a woman and how he will never allow you to be you. Relationships blossom when we afford our partners freedom to be themselves and to associate themselves with whoever they want to associate with. Forget about the fear of being alone because you’ll feel even more miserable in a bad relationship than you would when alone. Do not allow and help him emotionally wound you any further. The choice to believe and to refuse to believe what is true is yours, and yours alone. It is your responsibility to look out for yourself. In the words of  A.S. Byantt, "No mere human being can stand in a fire and not be consumed"   

BE GRATEFUL, WE MADE YOU!!!

I have more than a few times met people who look down on my teaching career because according to them,I should have opted for a better paying job. Apparently teaching is for old folks who only had the opportunity to choose between teaching and nursing back in the days, and because most of them can't stand the sight of a festering sore, they chose to 'break the chalk'.

Once, my fellow teacher friend and I went out for drinks with a group of friends that consisted of engineers and a doctor. Our outing went a little sour when a topic about careers raised its head in-between other topics that were touched as the evening faded into the night. The engineers brothers really made a huge issue about how they're earning 3 times what we're earning, told us how we can't afford to go out every weekend for a month, and how we are wasting our time by teaching when people are out there making money. I was pissed off. I felt insulted. No one ever asked why we got into teaching, but there they were, with their beers in their hands, telling us that we're wasting time. Wasting time!!!!

Then it struck me. We took our careers with different visions. I took mine because I had experienced the greatest positive impact of a teacher in my life, and when the opportunity presented itself, I wanted to do the same in someone's life. They on the other hand, had chosen their careers with a vision of earning big bucks and going out every weekend of the month in a year, provided they were not on duty. It is good to want to be loaded in your pockets all the time, but then, it is always the best feeling when your spirit is loaded with pride and satisfaction after making a difference in someone's life. People are different. We hold different values, personalities, our socialization took place in different places and we have different dreams and fears. It's okay. Totally. To be different I meant. Not to go around looking down on people and telling them what's good for them because you think they view the world with the same pair of eyes as you. THAT IS WRONG.

Being a teacher is one of the greatest and most challenging but fulfilling jobs one could ever imagine. We take care of the engineer's child when he's at work. We know the engineer's child's abilities better than their parent do. We are confidants to the engineer's child. We trim the unwanted branches on the tree that is the engineer's child so that it can grow, thrive well and be able to bear good fruits. Yes, you look down on us but we are the ones who teach your child that math and science so that he can become an engineer. Did I mention that you are an engineer because of a 'peanut earning' teacher who devoted their time to giving you extra lessons after school when you couldn't find x? Yes, you have every reason to be grateful.

Again, we are different. As an engineer, you'd rather work with things than people. I on the other hand, would rather work with people, than things. I'd rather make a difference in people's lives through educating and setting an example. I'd rather inspire, encourage and allow expression. In that way, a two-way learning street appears,I learn from my learners and they learn from me.(I doubt you experience something like this as often as I do while you're busy working with things). Your child learns more from me more than they learn from you, actually. So, stop looking down on me. Everyday to a teacher is a great memory, new challenges arise, problem solving skills get sharpened, there's growth on a personal level and beyond, and leadership skills are also polished. How's that for a huge payout? To some people, it isn't always about money, but passion and making a difference. Remember that next time you want to look down on me.

You should be grateful that we have devoted our time, and lives to spending time with your kids and grooming them both socially and academically when you're busy spending time with things. We know engineers are tired when they get home, and that doesn't do justice to the quality time they're supposed to spend with their families. So please, stop insulting and looking down on us. We can't all be engineers now can we? The world needs us. You need us. You wouldn't be where you are if it weren't for us. You actually wouldn't be able to go out every weekend if it weren't for us. You wouldnt even be able to insult us if it weren't for us. We helped groom your thinking abilities, but stop insulting us. You'd be even more dumber and narrow minded than you are today if it weren't for us. 

We define greatness. We are the village that raises a child. Success to us is making sure that you carry with you what we have taught you and use it to make something out of your life. Not to insult and look down on us.

#Allowmetosharethiswithyou... We are heroes.We deserve praise, encouragement and appreciation. If you don't give it to us, we demand it. Stop looking down on us. WE MADE YOU!!!

P.S Engineers in this post refers to anyone who thinks that they're better than teachers. You're narrow minded.

Dear sexually active boys

First of all, know that I'm typing this letter using my middle finger. Should I even ask how you're doing?Mmh? Nope,I don't think so, you're obviously enjoying being stupid. If you're not, don't worry about letting me know,I didn't ask. Besides, I've already reached my own conclusion, idiot.

As much as you disgust me, ím going to do what is expected of me by God and the Christian community(we all know what non-Christians would think of doing to your thin behinds,*hint* #siyavuma)-I will pray for you all. Don't thank me yet.

Do you ever think of the pain you leave in these women's lives, the resentment you plant in them and the thoughts of the most evil deeds that they can ever do to avenge you for leading them on, peeing in them and then pack your bags of promises, throw them in your fake love carriages and then like a gust of dust hit the road? Do you?How do you finish that plate of food? How do you finish that plate knowing that you left her in the most vulnerable and dangerous first trimester of pregnancy, knowing that she has morning sickness every single day and no one encourages them to hold on because in no time the morning sickness will get better and she will start enjoying her pregnancy, knowing that thoughts of you asking her to 'do something' about the pregnancy is haunting her, just how do you finish that plate, huh? Do you ever think of her weird vetkoek and spinach with eggs cravings?... Well, you might wanna think about that next time you dig into that plate and feed your stupid sexually active body.

How do you sleep at night? How do you sleep at night knowing that your child is out there, has never heard your voice, has never seen you, has never experienced your love and might soon be starting school without having seen you once in their life? How do you sleep at night not knowing what your child is called, what or who she's named after and what inspired the name? Do you have nightmares? Sweetdreams? Do you snore,mmh?You don't? Oh, you sleep peacefully? You do? Liar liar. If you do, we all know why, you're stupid and comfortable in your stupidity.

For how long do you plan on being a BOY? For how long do you intend on peeing in them and pack your promise bags and hit the road? For how long do you intend to break their hearts, watch them beg you not to leave,annoy you with text messages and calls -and threaten to kill themselves? Just for how long do you intend on running away from your responsibility? FOR HOW LONG?

Do you ever sit down and think that names like "Situation","Experience(bad)", "Hatred","Suffering" and all these names that people struggle to believe and ask themselves which parent can ever name their child such, are inspired by you? Does it ever cross your mind when you come across such names that you're the inspiration? Well, alas!!! Here's some food for thought. Feast on that, idiot.

When are you becoming an adult? When are you ever gonna own up to your deeds and take responsibility?What do you expect from these women? Do you expect them to forgive you and accept you back into the child's life when you feel like you're done playing your games? Do you? Huh?

Well, I've got news for you. They won't beg you forever, nor will they wait. By the time you to stroll back into the poor woman's life,she'll be pleased to let you know that someone has taken over from where you left, and she'll be smiling from ear to ear. Someone would have become so familiar to your child, and you'll be left with the word "stranger" stamped on your forehead. The other brother will be humming (Or playing it in full blast) Sam Salter's "I love you both/I'll turn this house into a home/I love you both you're not into this alone, what's yours is mine.../Let me be the man he couldn't be" lyrics just to piss you whenever you decide you have some change to spare and pay for movies or take the kid to KFC for ice cream(because we know you always come back when your pockets are a quarter empty). How do you feel about that, huh?

You'll be forgiven, or maybe not because some ladies are not that forgiving. Your child will call you dad hesitantly, but refer to the other brother as FATHER with so much excitement you'll think of going back to the moment you left them both and do things differently. The kid will tell you of the amazing things their father is doing with and for them-soccer practices, school functions, new toys, holiday trips, and boy, I'm telling you, you'll be asking yourself if the kid tells his father about the flavor of ice cream, the size of popcorns and soda you buy for him, or how your face changes shape when the kid wants to choose the movie.Ayeye!! How does that feel?(Rhetorical question, thanks for attempting to answer).You'll be "the-timetable-dad", you know, the one who first looks at the time table to confirm that you're spending time with your kid.The timetable dad who only pays for the movies and ice cream, and she and her new man will be rejecting your money just to show you that your absence and presence make no difference, and they'll be allowing you the torture of having to repeatedly ask your dumb self , "why did I leave them both". Yes, you will be the daddy who buys wrong Disney character merchandise for the kid, because you'll be clueless about what your child likes and doesn't like.

The pain you'll feel when your child rejects you will be far worse than the pain she felt when you left her. Guess who'll be sleeping on dry sheets now and resting their head on a dry pillow too?You got that right, HER!! And guess who'll toss and turn, with regrets weighing down their shoulder, pinning them down and leaving them haggard.Yep.YOU!! So, sexually active irresponsible boy, how does that feel? Like morning sickness?Hahaha,I thought as much.

Stop with the boy tendencies now, and let the man in you take over. If you can't, zip up the front of your trouser and allow us to throw you freezers so that you can chill. Otherwise, you're going to have to write to the"nilalekahle" signing out signature show, you know,#Khumbu for help, and I really don't know who you'll say you're looking for because you'd be in the dark about the child's "Situation" name. Stop running away from your responsibility, if you're not working, just know the love and care you show the woman you've planted a seed in is enough assurance that tomorrow is gonna be a bright day. After all, where you start is not as important as where you finish. We all start crawling. Stop being a sexually active boy who's egocentric, replace him with a good man whose child's face will light up when you come through the gate,a man who your child will love and trust,a man who's proud about his child from the onset..JUST GROW UP AND OWN UP.KLAAR!!!!

I don't wanna be disgusted no more, so I will stop here. And continue praying for you.Hallelujah!!

#Allowmetosharethiswithyou...Grow up,man up and zip up. Your child needs your love more than anything,be there and you won't be intimidated even if you break up with the child's mother and another nigga wants to play daddy. He won't stand a chance.

Tsebe ga ena sekhurumelo.(Ears don't have lids)

Yours..

Sesi Tshego.