Ke moka ke fihlile ka khetyle khe...

AllowMeTo......introduce my pretty and interesting self.


Right now i am sitting in the library post graduate computer lab at my varsity.Behind me is my ex boyfriend's girlfriend.Infront of me,is my ex boyfriend.Whenever i turn around,shes staring at me,and in turn i stare at our "man".No he's no longer my man,but i call him my man just for the fun of it. *grins*

This guy tried to change the sweet and considerate person i am a while ago.Its been almost a year and a half since i left him (hell year i left before he could think of it). See i am the kind of person who believes a guy when they "claim' to have a thing for me.I fell for this guy's flattering narration of his feelings towards my pretty and interestinmg self. Yes,NARRATION. The nigga was soo good in telling a story of his feelings,unfolding the layers in an amazing way,and me myself and i just fell for it and started finding that there was actually a story of feelings that i had to unfold to him. (My story was made up.hahaha)

So,soon after we started sharing a bed (my bed), he started telling me how he found me amazing,and fascinating at the same time. He told me i looked a bit distant at times...and it was true,so in an attempt to explain my "weirdnes" i opened up to him about my problem of social anxiety,a fear of being judged when in social interactions,because i grew up with judgement being thrown at me from left,right,centre and above. What other people thought of me has always terrified me, and insecurity has always been my biggest friend,or maybe the other way round. I opened up to him about my battle with MDD (Major Depression Disorder) too,which dragged me to the campus medical centre and forced my pretty self to open up and allow the psychologist into the past that haunted me.I was getting better,i told him.And it was true.

This guy listened,and related stories( right there and then kinda invented stories) similar to mine so as to make me feel better. I didnt believe him,but i gave him the benefit of the doubt. Who was i to tell him he was lying? Well,he seemed, to care,and to be available whenever i wanted to see him,to make me laugh and to ask more questions about me...until he insisted on adding me on facebook.I accepted his friend request, and right after i did,a "i miss your morning kiss" wallpost from the chick whos sitting behind me right now *turns around and looks at her boney backside* popped out on his wall. I got dissapointed.I got furious.My famous 'confront-him-if-hes-not-honest' notion that i held and always related to my friends evaporated and i just let out a slow and almost silent "he banna" out.

The brother dissapeared for two full days with his phone off, and i concluded that he had gone to deliver the morning kiss that was missed. After his "missing-and-uncontactable" stunt he popped out one chilly afternoon, and knocked on my door.I let him in,offered him rooibos tea and we had a chat.He took out a brick size walki talki model cellular, and told me that his phone has been stolen 123...I asked about the wallposts,and told him i am not stupid,and he said "shes my sister.I kiss her every morning before i leave the house". Hahahaa. I gave him a piece of my mind because i had done my homework about that Mpumalanga chick,and i had found out that they have been at it for 3 years,and he has cheated on her more than three times.Douche bag!!That was the end of us.Two days later,i called him,he came with a big smile with the hope that i would take him back,but i just told him that i forgave him for leading me on.Holding a grudge against him was not worth it,especially when i had just been diagonised with MDD.

In short,with this story,im trying to tell you,the world..that i am an interesting person,i dont judge others,but i give them the benefit of the doubt.I am no longer very conscious about what people think of me like before,and although i can be deceived,i dont let people walk all over me when i know the truth.I love me,and i dont hold grudges unless absolutely neccessary. And AllowMeToShareThis with you.....I am God's child.I was born to overcome.And i fear no evil. Lets.........