Today as I was walking to work I overheard two ladies who were walking infront of me arguing about one of the ladies they are both familiar with. " Wa itsi ngwanyana ole ga ke mo kwishishi. Wa ipona (I don't like that girl much. She regards herself highly) ", said the lady in a dreadlocks side bun. "Aowa mara aus Ruth, nna ga ke mmone ale snaaks, ke bona ana le botho. Afa o ile wa bua le yena le ge ele ga one? ( No Ruth, Ive never seen her rude to anyone,she appears friendly. Have you ever spoken to her even once?"), the lady in the stripped scarf responded to her friend. "Ga se ke bue le yena (Ive never spoken to her)", aus Ruth said. " Janong oreng o mo senya leina? Ntwe o e dirang ga e right. Le Masipa ga a dire jaalo, o emela bohlatse pele (Then why are you smearing her name with bad things? what you're doing is not right, even Masipa(judge) doesn't do that. She waits for evidence first"
And then it resurfaced from the back of my mind. The same sun that hardens the clay soil is the same sun that melts ice. The same wind that blows a girl's skirt up is the same wind that blows sand into the boy's eyes so that he wont be able to see what the skirt has to reveal. What I am saying is, the same person we judge based on what we heard about them from someone can actually surprise us, and give us a different experience. The lady in the stripped scarf chose not to let her friend's perception of the lady they are talking about dampen or dim her perception. And she did a stunner job by bringing in Judge Masipa as an example of people who don't just judge because they can, but because enough evidence has been brought forward to her. She chose to judge for herself, based on her own experiences,and did not condone the fact that her friend passed judgement without having given herself the opportunity to communicate with the lady first.
It is an everyday occurrence that we get fed stories about people who we have never met-who we need to stay away from because they are abrasive, who we shouldn't give chances because they can turn into our chief nemesis, who we shouldn't even smile at because they are irascible. People make it their mandate to be the carriers and deliverers of words that vilifies others-in the name of they are protecting us. How shady is that? Mxm, so suspicious.
Our biggest mistake is that we-the people who are told these things- often allow people's judgements on others to influence ours, without taking time to analyse the real reasons behind the smear campaign. We tend to, most of the time- give these smear campaigns validation and momentum through entertaining them and acting on them. We really need to change. Wouldn't it be great if we tailed behind the campaigner after we have experienced the meanness of this our dear friend that is being demeaned through spreading of what bad things they are capable of? ( It is wrong as well, but hey, we are human).Would it be a bad thing if we ask the campaigner why they are busy chanting the "she's a mean person" slogans? Did you know that sometimes the campaign may be executed in an effort to purposely put one down, just so that the campaigner can feel like they're up there? And sometimes, they are inspired by past grudges, which have been festering from many moons ago when they had an encounter with this our demeaned brother or sister, and they couldn't address it then. Sounds childish neh? I know! And now you know. So, we know.
The smear campaigns we give so much effort and time we are supposed to dedicate to other things will never boost our confidence, or erase the grudge. It will only give you a false sense of security-for a short period of time even. Judging people based on what other people say about them could mean depriving ourselves of possible positive relations with others, and their experiences with others don't necessary apply to us. No person (and I mean everyone of us) can never avoid judgement, we are all prone to it- but let your judgement be influenced by your own experiences -not the grapevine.
We should know that most (yes, not everyone-most) of us actually receive mean responses because of our attitude towards other people. When we approach people in an attitude influenced by what we have heard from whoever, chances are very high that we will get the same response we expected. But when we allow ourselves to approach them with an attitude not influenced by others in any way, the response is likely to be positive.
#Allowmetosharethiswithyou...Not everything we hear about people is ALWAYS true. Choose to wear the black law gown like Masipa and be the judge based on evidence. The choice remains solely with you.
Thanks for reading.
