First of all, know that I'm typing this letter using my middle finger. Should I even ask how you're doing?Mmh? Nope,I don't think so, you're obviously enjoying being stupid. If you're not, don't worry about letting me know,I didn't ask. Besides, I've already reached my own conclusion, idiot.
As much as you disgust me, ím going to do what is expected of me by God and the Christian community(we all know what non-Christians would think of doing to your thin behinds,*hint* #siyavuma)-I will pray for you all. Don't thank me yet.
Do you ever think of the pain you leave in these women's lives, the resentment you plant in them and the thoughts of the most evil deeds that they can ever do to avenge you for leading them on, peeing in them and then pack your bags of promises, throw them in your fake love carriages and then like a gust of dust hit the road? Do you?How do you finish that plate of food? How do you finish that plate knowing that you left her in the most vulnerable and dangerous first trimester of pregnancy, knowing that she has morning sickness every single day and no one encourages them to hold on because in no time the morning sickness will get better and she will start enjoying her pregnancy, knowing that thoughts of you asking her to 'do something' about the pregnancy is haunting her, just how do you finish that plate, huh? Do you ever think of her weird vetkoek and spinach with eggs cravings?... Well, you might wanna think about that next time you dig into that plate and feed your stupid sexually active body.
How do you sleep at night? How do you sleep at night knowing that your child is out there, has never heard your voice, has never seen you, has never experienced your love and might soon be starting school without having seen you once in their life? How do you sleep at night not knowing what your child is called, what or who she's named after and what inspired the name? Do you have nightmares? Sweetdreams? Do you snore,mmh?You don't? Oh, you sleep peacefully? You do? Liar liar. If you do, we all know why, you're stupid and comfortable in your stupidity.
For how long do you plan on being a BOY? For how long do you intend on peeing in them and pack your promise bags and hit the road? For how long do you intend to break their hearts, watch them beg you not to leave,annoy you with text messages and calls -and threaten to kill themselves? Just for how long do you intend on running away from your responsibility? FOR HOW LONG?
Do you ever sit down and think that names like "Situation","Experience(bad)", "Hatred","Suffering" and all these names that people struggle to believe and ask themselves which parent can ever name their child such, are inspired by you? Does it ever cross your mind when you come across such names that you're the inspiration? Well, alas!!! Here's some food for thought. Feast on that, idiot.
When are you becoming an adult? When are you ever gonna own up to your deeds and take responsibility?What do you expect from these women? Do you expect them to forgive you and accept you back into the child's life when you feel like you're done playing your games? Do you? Huh?
Well, I've got news for you. They won't beg you forever, nor will they wait. By the time you to stroll back into the poor woman's life,she'll be pleased to let you know that someone has taken over from where you left, and she'll be smiling from ear to ear. Someone would have become so familiar to your child, and you'll be left with the word "stranger" stamped on your forehead. The other brother will be humming (Or playing it in full blast) Sam Salter's "I love you both/I'll turn this house into a home/I love you both you're not into this alone, what's yours is mine.../Let me be the man he couldn't be" lyrics just to piss you whenever you decide you have some change to spare and pay for movies or take the kid to KFC for ice cream(because we know you always come back when your pockets are a quarter empty). How do you feel about that, huh?
You'll be forgiven, or maybe not because some ladies are not that forgiving. Your child will call you dad hesitantly, but refer to the other brother as FATHER with so much excitement you'll think of going back to the moment you left them both and do things differently. The kid will tell you of the amazing things their father is doing with and for them-soccer practices, school functions, new toys, holiday trips, and boy, I'm telling you, you'll be asking yourself if the kid tells his father about the flavor of ice cream, the size of popcorns and soda you buy for him, or how your face changes shape when the kid wants to choose the movie.Ayeye!! How does that feel?(Rhetorical question, thanks for attempting to answer).You'll be "the-timetable-dad", you know, the one who first looks at the time table to confirm that you're spending time with your kid.The timetable dad who only pays for the movies and ice cream, and she and her new man will be rejecting your money just to show you that your absence and presence make no difference, and they'll be allowing you the torture of having to repeatedly ask your dumb self , "why did I leave them both". Yes, you will be the daddy who buys wrong Disney character merchandise for the kid, because you'll be clueless about what your child likes and doesn't like.
The pain you'll feel when your child rejects you will be far worse than the pain she felt when you left her. Guess who'll be sleeping on dry sheets now and resting their head on a dry pillow too?You got that right, HER!! And guess who'll toss and turn, with regrets weighing down their shoulder, pinning them down and leaving them haggard.Yep.YOU!! So, sexually active irresponsible boy, how does that feel? Like morning sickness?Hahaha,I thought as much.
Stop with the boy tendencies now, and let the man in you take over. If you can't, zip up the front of your trouser and allow us to throw you freezers so that you can chill. Otherwise, you're going to have to write to the"nilalekahle" signing out signature show, you know,#Khumbu for help, and I really don't know who you'll say you're looking for because you'd be in the dark about the child's "Situation" name. Stop running away from your responsibility, if you're not working, just know the love and care you show the woman you've planted a seed in is enough assurance that tomorrow is gonna be a bright day. After all, where you start is not as important as where you finish. We all start crawling. Stop being a sexually active boy who's egocentric, replace him with a good man whose child's face will light up when you come through the gate,a man who your child will love and trust,a man who's proud about his child from the onset..JUST GROW UP AND OWN UP.KLAAR!!!!
I don't wanna be disgusted no more, so I will stop here. And continue praying for you.Hallelujah!!
#Allowmetosharethiswithyou...Grow up,man up and zip up. Your child needs your love more than anything,be there and you won't be intimidated even if you break up with the child's mother and another nigga wants to play daddy. He won't stand a chance.
Tsebe ga ena sekhurumelo.(Ears don't have lids)
Yours..
Sesi Tshego.
